Somedays I feel alone. Not even being the midst of friends could get rid of that pang in your heart. I look out of the window; it is raining and lighting colors the sky. I can just but remember some good old times and wish those would play in an endless loop. The thunder jolts me back to reality. I am standing in a room and I look around me. Its the reminiscent of the life I live. Its a mess. A bloddy mess.
Its ironic, amidst hundreds of people I have only my shadow as the companion.
There have been many days like these before. This is not the first.
I have neither lost hope nor the will to enjoy my life. But a day comes in everyone's life when they stand in front of a mirror and refuse to make any eye contact with that face they see. Thats the day of reckoning. The day where you and I make a conscious choice to face our greatest fears. When you can look that face straight in the eye, that is the day when you would vanquish doubt in your heart and soul alike. For me, though, there is no salvation. I look in the mirror, I just see a hollow man. A man without anything behind him or with him.
In a movie he would make a great underdog, but in reality he is just what he is. And I just stand looking at this hollow man. He has no 'gifts', he has no abilities. Why does this aberration then exist? Why was life not snubbed out of it before he became conscious of himself? Questions run amok in my mind. I have started to hate this person now. Everyday, every single day I have to see this face. I wish I could change this face. It makes me want to throw up.
But I have lived in the past. I wil live by today. This face is not that bad or ugly that people would shoot me on the street. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Well i wonder how can anyone see beauty in this. I finish my chores and I walk out of the pigeon hole thats called a house. I am not the meanest or the most intelligent person on the block. I am just another person.
All my life, everyone one has told me you must be special at something.And my whole life I have wandered and squandered everything and everywhere to find that special thing, My father always told me one thing. Look for the goodness in others, only then you will find goodness in yourself. If he could he hear me now, I just want to tell him, I have Dad. I tried. The moment you look at other's goodness, they assume the higher ground. I cant stand that. I wont stand that. I have walked away from that mindset. I know you would want me to persist, but whats the point. In a world where everyone wants to outdo another, can there ever be true friends? In a world, where your life is measured in currency, is there a point? Thunder strikes again. Today I have finally realized what I have to do.
It starts to rain. Good. What i have in mind would be done easier in the rain. I walk towards the dark street. Only I know, at the end there would be no rainbow tonight, tomorrow or ever. There would be no light. Finally it will end tonight. Maybe I dont need to see that hollow face ever again.
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